Nurses are Great

Ok, it's been brought to my attention that perhaps the tone of my entries lately have been a bit negative. Well, priding myself on being an acerbic humorist, I'd say that should be no surprise -- that's just my style. However, I suppose I don't want to be completely pessimistic, caustic, and pissed off, so today I'll say a few words about a group of people who I think are unsung heroes within our society -- nurses.

Recently I spent some time in the hospital undergoing Septoplasty day surgery, and I was shocked and dismayed at just how much shit nurses take from miserable medicated patients. I mean, it's bad enough they have to literally clean up puke, pus, shit, blood, and piss almost everyday, but then they also have to fetch food, water, medication, adjust pillows and blankets, answer stupid questions, come running every time someone presses the damn call bell, and then to have to take some 90 old man's verbal abuse while helping him take a diarrheic shit ... that's something akin to sainthood.

Honestly, I don't know how they do it. I know I could never do it -- I'd have kinked up air tubes, unplugged those call bells, and slipped sleeping pills into the meatloaf within the first week. Then I suppose I'd be writing this from prison.

Think about it -- these women actually choose this as a career -- it's not even slave labor. They're not forced into it, and they come to work everyday with a smile and a cheery disposition for the people under their care. They do their best to make people who are scared or in pain to feel better, all while dealing with some of the grossest bodily fluids under the sun.

Pay nurses more, I say. Fuck teachers, brokers, IT guys, or anyone else who figures their job is tougher. Doctors and nurses should be the number 1 and 2 pay grades in our society. Hell, I say if you can combine the gentle healing arts of a nurse and the attire and looks of a Sammy J Peppers waitress, you have what would be perhaps the most valued and important profession on Earth.

So there you are, gentle reader, a positive entry. Mark it on your calendar. Tomorrow, we're back to bile.

Asshole of the Week

This week's honoree is the Mayor of Port Coquitlam, Scott Young, who today was sentenced toa 12-month conditional sentence for two counts of assault.

It seems back in 2007 this psycho got drunk, broke into his ex-girlfriend's garage, and assaulted her and her new boyfrind. Oh, and by doing this he also breached the restraining order that his ex had drawn up on him. In total he faced about 7 charges.

But here's the rub -- he's still the mayor. He's refused to step down, despite being an abusive drunk with clear anger management issues. I mean, this is the same type of guy you see clambering drunkenly over fences shirtless while trying to get away from a police dog every Saturday night on COPS.

I mean, Elliot Spitzer was all but run out of town on a rail for banging a prostitute, yet this guy is somehow allowed to remain in office. That seems crazy to me. Sure, maybe there's a huge difference between national and local scandals, but come on. Maybe it's just me, but Western society just seems to be conditioned to treat anything to do with sex far more seriously than violence. I guess if the Mayor had been caught getting a rimjob from a transsexual midget hooker, he'd have been kicked out of office by the weekend. The fact that he stalked, harassed, slapped around, and probably scared the shit out of another human being is nothing to hold against his political career, working for the people. Just don't piss him off.

And what are the repercussions of his actions you ask? A 12-month conditional sentence that is pretty much the equivalent of grounding. From 8pm to 6am, he's restricted to his house. Can you believe that? I mean, I've been living like that for 10 years, just without the ankle bracelet!

Anyways, congratulations Mayor Young. You're an asshole.

Alright, fine

Here's some new content -- something interesting I ran across today (ran across, not over -- that was last week).

It's cool. It's even warm and fuzzy, for all of those who are into such things.

Don't say I've never done anything for you.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I'm busy

They say there's nothing worse in the world of the web than stale content. Well I wouldn't want to anger the Gods of the Web, so here's some fresh content for you.

I'm busy. No time to waste on you, gentle reader. Go get a life.

Asshole of the week

This week, meet Inderjit Singh Reyat. He's a mass murderer, terrorist, and all around fruitbar who is the only person ever convicted of the 1985 Air India bombing, which killed 329 people. He was the guy that built the bomb that killed every single person on board the plane.

This week this motherfucker (excuse the harsh language, kiddies, but in this case it's really the only word in the English language that even comes close to describing this piece of human garbage) was released on $500,000 bail and walked out of prison, smiling, after 20 years. That's right he was smiling. That's really enough to make this normally passive, non-violent and mostly level-headed citizen of Planet Earth want to tie this guy to a stake, line up every single relative of Air India Flight 182's victims and let that take a wack at him, then disembowel him and let wolves eat his intestines until he does everyone a favor and dies. Then burn him at the stake and take the ashes and place them at the bottom of a port-a-potty at a Monsters of Rock festival.

I'm not usually a drooling proponent for capital punishment, but in certain cases such as this one, I say it's time to send this dick shuffling off the mortal coil. You may think it's horrible to say, but I'm going to say it anyways. If I wake up next week and hear on the news that this bastard met with an unfortunate 'accident', I wouldn't blink an eye.

A little harsh you say? Well when you have some time just go to this web page for a listing of the passengers of Air India Flight 182.

I mean, good lord, this guy confessed to building the bomb that was planted on a plane filled with innocent people -- 329 of them to be specific. And our justice system released him on bail?? If this isn't a huge neon sign that our justice system is seriously in need of some changes, I'm not sure what is. Wake up.

So is this guy the asshole of the week? Actually, no. He'd be more like the asshole of the century. The asshole of the week is the unnamed person within our current Justice System that allowed this to happen. I don't know what your name is, what title you hold, or even the capacity in which you operate in this particular case. But you, sir, are an asshole.

I Hate Blogs

Let me just say right up front that I hate blogging. If ever there was a useless social, technological, or literary development, the blog is right up there with those shitty Dyno label makers. Or the Lite Brite. Oh, the anger induced in me when I consider all those hours wasted as a child plugging those fucking stupid pegs into the light board just so I could create a work of art that was a neon bunny, just to have to unplug all the pegs, sort them into their respective colors, and wipe said garish hare from existence, so I could move onto the next waste of time.

But I digress.

Ah, yes -- the uselessness of the blog. Not only is the blog an eyesore (have you seen some of these things? They look they were designed by a color blind impressionist painter that has been driven mad by Syphilis. Sorry sweetie, green does not really go well with orange, and none of the text on your page should blink unless of course you're trying to induce an epileptic seizure in your readers -- which may be fun, but probably have some legal issues attached to it) but it also clogs the pipes of the Internet with its steaming mass of irrelevant, erroneous, and downright retarded content. The greatest thing about the Internet has long been the access to Information and the fact that it has revolutionized the way in which we communicate and share information. Not anymore. Now we have a huge mass of garbage online and things have gotten so garbled, who can tell anymore what is reliable information and what isn't.

Now we have housewives using up valuable resources and broadband to broadcast an online list of crap that NO ONE CARES ABOUT. Guess what Joe Lunchbox, I really don't need to know the nuances of your day working you soul-sucking 9-5 office job and how much you hate your cubicle worker. No one cares about your opinion on which is better - Obama or Hilary. Kirk or Picard. Amalgam fillings or white composite. Disposible or cloth. No one. Oh, sure, your relatives and close friends will say how brilliant your 'blog' is, but I'm going to break some news to you that will rock your world harder than when you 12 year old sibling let you in on the fact that there was no Santa Claus -- they're just saying that. That's their job -- to blow smoke up their loved ones' asses. Sure, you may get some input from someone morbidly obese shut-in from a Southern State who leaves a comment about how they love your blog and how much they enjoyed the recipe for Macaroni Salad that you posted a few weeks back, but here's another news flash -- THEY'RE INSANE! No one -- I mean no one, who has a modicum of sanity about them surfs the Internet and finds, reads, and comments on blogs of people they don't know. Guaranteed. Those who do are unemployed, insane, or a combination of both. So they don't even count.

Then there's the word 'blog' itself. It's stupid. It never existed prior to the 21st century, and we sure as hell don't need it now. Blog. It sounds like onomatopoeia for the sound a woman makes when she's performing an act of love on the southern hemisphere of a man's body using her mouth. That's what I think of when I hear the word blog. Which isn't a bad thing, mind you, but doesn't really help me take them very seriously.

Now I will go on record and say that there are SOME legitimate blogs (tee hee) out there. These are writings by people who are actually well versed in the subject they're blogging (hehe) about who -- and stay with me here, Sally Housewife -- actually impart accurate and relevant knowledge to those that are looking for it. However, these are becoming more and more rare and hard to find as the sheer number of inane, pointless online 'diaries swells.

I can just hear the question rattling around in your brainpan: why oh why does someone who hates blogging have a blog? Well, in response to the latter, I'd say for the same reason someone who hates guns but lives in the 'hood would have a .45 in their nightstand. Self defense, baby. And, if you can't beat them, mock them. So, this I promise you, Gladys from Pocatello, Idaho who has just recently gone on disability and is addicted to back medication and is at this moment glassy-eyed and slack-jawed, preparing to write me a comment about how much she loves my Macaroni Salad -- I will endeavor to hunt down and mock blogs on a semi-regular basis. And just perhaps I'll do something hypocritical like helping clog the Internet with something that's irrelevant to the public at large. Or, who knows, maybe I'll post the cure for cancer.

Because, unlike Gladys, I have a job.